Alone in a crowd of people

I'm so tired of feeling alone and unimportant. I went to dinner tonight with a group of friends, and yet again I was totally left out of the conversation(s). Is it where I sit (at the table)? Is it me and my personality? Do people do it on purpose? Yea, I listen, but I always feel like I'm eavesdropping, because I can't get a word in. It's so incredibly disappointing. Time and time again, I just sit and listen, and then go home lonely. I mean I just spent 2 hours with people, and I was in a good mood on the way to the restaurant, how come I'm sobbing in my car when were done? The saddest part is these are the friends I've been trying to get to know for months and months, I don't want to just give up and find new friends, because I can't invest months into more disappointment. I'm so jealous of other people's personality's, one of the girls was really shy at first and then BAM, she's all perky and the social butterfly- loud-super popular girl. I'm not like that, I'm quiet but full of thoughts, I'm not going to be in-your-face, I'm going to wait my turn to talk. Maybe my family trained me wrong, there everyone got a turn to speak at dinner, here it's just a free for all. I guess I'm just gonna have to change a little or stop having expectations of having fun. (Staying home for a few weeks didn't seem to help at all though.)

I know this isn't really a happy post, but hey, it's part of the adventure. There are lows as well as highs. Right now I miss my best friend, to bad she's in Asia and totally not available to talk to. ok, that's probably all the whining anyone can take, so I'll just head to bed, and hope tomorrow's bowling adventure won't be so disappointing!