I'm so tired of feeling alone and unimportant. I went to dinner tonight with a group of friends, and yet again I was totally left out of the conversation(s). Is it where I sit (at the table)? Is it me and my personality? Do people do it on purpose? Yea, I listen, but I always feel like I'm eavesdropping, because I can't get a word in. It's so incredibly disappointing. Time and time again, I just sit and listen, and then go home lonely. I mean I just spent 2 hours with people, and I was in a good mood on the way to the restaurant, how come I'm sobbing in my car when were done? The saddest part is these are the friends I've been trying to get to know for months and months, I don't want to just give up and find new friends, because I can't invest months into more disappointment. I'm so jealous of other people's personality's, one of the girls was really shy at first and then BAM, she's all perky and the social butterfly- loud-super popular girl. I'm not like that, I'm quiet but full of thoughts, I'm not going to be in-your-face, I'm going to wait my turn to talk. Maybe my family trained me wrong, there everyone got a turn to speak at dinner, here it's just a free for all. I guess I'm just gonna have to change a little or stop having expectations of having fun. (Staying home for a few weeks didn't seem to help at all though.)
I know this isn't really a happy post, but hey, it's part of the adventure. There are lows as well as highs. Right now I miss my best friend, to bad she's in Asia and totally not available to talk to. ok, that's probably all the whining anyone can take, so I'll just head to bed, and hope tomorrow's bowling adventure won't be so disappointing!
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About Me
- Carmel
- Starting out into life after college is a challenge. So many decisions, where to go to church? where to work? where to live? who will I spend my off time with? and many more flood my brain constantly. This Blog is to stay in touch with friends that I've known forever and some newer ones too. No, I won't have spouse or baby pictures to share (for a while at least), but I will have many pictures of my adventures. So, thanks for stopping by...
2 comments:
Have you been reading my journal? Seriously though, I can totally identify with the situation you're describing. Maybe it does have something to do with how you grow up. I was basically an only child for most of my childhood, so I'm not use to competing to make myself heard. I feel the same way about trying to get a word in with a crowd of people.
Okay, there wasn't much encouragement there, but hopefully it helps to know you're not the only one! :)
Honestly, it's so obnoxious to me when a whole group of people are too self-absorbed and concerned with hearing themselves to make sure everyone's included. I don't think this has ANYTHING to do with your personality. It's exhausting and so discouraging to be overlooked, and that's not your fault! You have your personality for a reason, and there are people for sure who appreciate your courtesy and table manners. If anything, your parents taught you right!
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